Everything's Waiting

So I haven't given a real life update here in a while.

First um, prosopopeya is flying out here in August. No, really. I still don't think I'll really appreciate it until she's here. I remember when harbek came my first reaction to seeing her was just like I can't believe you're real.

We're going to be seeing Spring Awakening in Chicago (on stage -- though right now that's proving a little scary because it appears the on stage seats haven't been put up for sale yet (either that or they're sold out somehow already) and so we don't know when we'll be able to buy them -- anyone know how these things usually go?) and Phantom in Milwaukee, toooo. And then in October I get to see SA AGAIN in Milwaukee (hopefully MORE THAN ONCE).

I FINALLY GOT MY E-MAIL WORKING PROPERLY AGAIN TODAY. I was without e-mail for a long while and it hurts. One last frustration: So I canceled my web hosting on June 30th. It's still "pending cancel" and I keep getting bugged about this invoice due on the 1st, except the reason why I canceled on the 30th is I'm almost certain that that invoice is for the next three months which obviously I don't want. Because how on earth would I somehow end up paying for hosting time at the end of the period when I've used it. IDK. But I guess I better go send a support ticket and complain. I HATE THAT.

OH I got accepted into college FINALLY. Not that there was any chance of me not getting accepted but, there was lots of confusion and I sent in my application back in MAY even and I still haven't gotten a letter about financial aid which apparently I'm supposed to have gotten and I got a letter that makes it sound like they didn't get my FAFSA though I had gotten another letter that implied they got the FAFSA but no application and now I don't even know. But I have orientation on the 13th so hopefully I can get help with that then or something I don't know.

I hate all the things in my life that are supposed to be simple but have gotten complicated. Web hosting. College. On-stage tickets. Yeah. But there's some good coming so I'm trying not to get too aggravated.

BTW I've been doing some sewing again:

( PICTURES )

[98] Spring Awakening Icons ("[actor] as [character] is love")

TEASERS:



( The clouds will drift away )

[1-6] Chess
[7-13] Regina Spektor lyrics
[13-20] Spring Awakening lyrics
[21-91] Spring Awakening Broadway icons
[92-95] Spring Awakening animated icons

Teasers:


( I've crossed over borders but I'm still there now )

As you may know I've wanted a squid hat really bad for a long while now. I almost got it as a graduation present but it's like almost $60 which is ridiculously too expensive for something like that. They have smaller ones, but it wouldn't be the same.

And, well, I love me some sewing projects now and again as you've seen, and it's the beginning of summer, and this summer I DID want to do more sewing... and then on Etsy I found a pattern for a squid. Other than the different eyes it looks, you know, like a squid and not unlike the squid hat. And I probably wouldn't be wearing the squid hat around as a hat, you know, but rather using it as a pillow, so. The little squid is about 10 inches tall while the large squid hats are about 30 inches tall.

So, could I not just multiply all the measurements by 3 and have a squid that is around the size of the squid hats? Do you think this project would be feasible for someone who is a bit of a beginner at sewing things and would be sewing it by hand? (YES I KNOW I HAVE PROBLEMS WITH MY RIGHT HAND LATELY AND THIS WOULD BE AGGRAVATING THEM BUT I CAN'T STOP LIVING MY LIFE PEOPLE. I'LL WEAR GLOVES. AND IF I WEREN'T SEWING I'D JUST BE ON THE COMPUTER ANYWAY.) Because I can't work a sewing machine to save my life at this point.

I also figure that even if I fail at it the cost for supplies plus the $5 pattern would not leave me with much of a loss.

In case you haven't heard around the internets, I've been looking for another panfandom RPG to play at and have been dissatisfied with every one I've found for one reason or another. I'm very picky.

This is how my projects always start.

Now, I ran a forum-based RPG for many years but I am relatively new to the world of journal-based panfandom RPGs, and I never thought I'd like them, but I sort of love them when the RP is quality. To combat that lack of experience, however, before I take the plunge into this project I'd love to get some input from anyone on my flist who wants to give it -- whether it's from your own experience running RPGs, being involved in them, just RPing in general, or even just running online communities in general.

Before I get into my survey, here's the premise of this RPG in planning for you to tear apart as you see necessary:

( JUST SOME THOUGHTS )

( SURVEY )

THANKS.

I SURVIVED MY AUDITION.

AND I THINK I DID PRETTY WELL.

I'M THAWING ICE CREAM CAKE RIGHT NOW AS A REWARD.

THANK YOU THANK YOU EVERYONE WHO HELPED ME WITH EVERYTHING FROM STUPID QUESTIONS TO CHOOSING A SONG TO FINDING SHEET MUSIC TO PICKING OUT WHAT I WAS GOING TO WEAR TODAY XDDD YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH I'VE APPRECIATED THE INTERNETS.

HEY LJ I need your help.

So I'm auditioning for a community theater production of Rent.

In an hour.

And some panicked questions that might be stupid just hit me that I HOPE SOMEONE CAN HELP ME OUT WITH.

"TO AUDITION: Please prepare and bring 36-48 measures of music, in the style of RENT. An accompanist will be provided, and must be used"

SO I've got my sheet music here and I prepared 48 measures. Now, so, I assume I go into the audition and give the music to the accompanist, but am I supposed to explain or indicate how much I'm singing? The measures aren't numbered so I started to number them (IN PENCIL) but then I realized that it has just a repeat for the second verse, and so that would not make it evident where 48 measures ends (would it be helpful if I did finish numbering the measures or no? XD).

Is it possible they won't even have me sing that much and I should just not say anything and let them cut me off whenever? Or should I just stop singing at 48 measures?

Is there anything else I should know about what to expect or what to do?

Filing out of the gym, no longer a high school student, with the full orchestra playing Coronation March (without me!) was one of the more surreal experiences of my high school life.

[8] Icons from the off-Broadway production of bare

Teasers:


For prosopopeya because she's having a bad day.

( Hoping that one day when you wake those feelings won't be there )

WELL. This is my last LJ entry from school :| ...now I'll like never write in it again.

THIS MORNING I FELT SICKS A LITTLE. And now my throat is sore a little. This is sad :(

And I'm getting a headache. And I'm sleepy. And hungry. And annoyed that I have to go get all this shit signed today. And that Food Service might not give me a signature because Bertha let the lunch account get negative. Because I so need more stress today.

As for auditioning I THINK I'LL DO IT GUYS. And I think I'll do All Grown Up from bare. idk. idk. Anyone have like, legit sheet music for that song that they can give me?

It's raining today and all gloomy outside :(

But I'm wearing my black WENDLADRESS. And in the hallway some random stranger complimented me on it. Since I was sickish and sleepy this morning I almost didn't wear it but I convinced myself to suck it up and I'm glad I did. Considering this is the last day I can wear it in high school. That's a weird thought that hasn't really settled in yet.

...DAMNIT I JUST REALIZED I DIDN'T GET MR. BLANCHARD TO SIGN MY FORM THING. Gah. Maybe I'll come in for orchestra tomorrow and get him to sign it and maybe do the food service thing then? Idk. I hate this. Or if I get everything else signed maybe I can send the sheet with Bertha tomorrow and have her get him sign it and make her turn it in even though she'd hate me.

Maybe I should take the stupid Stats exam tomorrow and Friday. That'll give me an excuse to get that signature. Maybe that's a sign. Plus Mom thinks its stupid that I wasn't going to take it anyway, because the deal is that I'm exempt, but barely, and if I take the exam, I can improve my grade, and if the exam grade would bring my class grade down, the teacher is just not going to count it. So I can't lose. But then I have to get up and start school at the normal time. And be on time. Though I only have to be here for an hour when I do. ADVISE ME.

Senior awards night is tonight. I don't think I'll go. I don't really care.

I just got my rubric for my logos back. As I was typing this. "Excellent use of time..." is circled with a note that I had logos done earlier than I needed to. The other options in that category are "Too much unnecessary internet surfing or game playing" and "You used my class as a study hall". lol.

Okay. I better get the teacher to sign my stupid sheet and then go :| DIGITAL ARTS BLOGGING HAS BEEN FUN, GUYS. *SALUTE*

In other news, there's a community theater near me putting on Rent. And they have auditions... on Monday. And I'm tempted to do it. Except Monday is really close and I'm nervous because I'm inexperienced. I need 36-48 bars of a song "in the style of Rent". The current thought is Nobody's Side from Chess. If anyone wants to provide any suggestions, particularly songs I might already know, and even better have sheet music, you know, let me know.

Krissy says:
TV: What every woman wants is a man who can come home and tell them "I love you".
Me: WHAT ABOUT THE WOMEN WHO WANTS A WOMAN TO DO THAT? HUH? HUH?
Rachelle Dulcinea *naf says:
....
Rachelle Dulcinea *naf says:
WHAT ABOUT WOMEN WHO DON'T WANT THAT AT ALL
Rachelle Dulcinea *naf says:
XDD
Krissy says:
Yeah. XD
Patta *naf says:
WHAT ABOUT THE MEN WHO WANT THAT
Patta *naf says:
:(

HOLY SHIT AMERICAN IDOL

You guys. I want a stuffed peacock. Look. http://www.stuffedark.com/images/peacock.jpg

This is applicable because I just drew a peacock for a logo. It's kickass. You don't even know.

The radio morning show was loving on McG a little earlier. Interesting.

SHORT ENTRY BECAUSE I SPENT A LOT OF TIME ACTUALLY WORKING TODAY. I KNOW, RITE.

IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE 85 TODAY. CRAZY. I'M WEARING A DRESS :)

K BYE

That's one show that was brought up re: GTC but mostly I have the song stuck in my head. I wish I had it on Uncle Klaus, but I don't really need an emotional song right now anyway. I'm feeling a little emotionally fragile this morning. Usually I can blame these sorts of moods on PMS or stress or something but... today I just am. It's my last real week of high school. And, you know, today I'm told they're planting a tree for Justin. A group of people from the orchestra are going to go out there and play Danny Boy. I heard them rehearsing it this morning and it just catches in your throat.

I was really stupid today and forgot the huge photo project was due for Digital Arts and didn't even bring my camera. I desperately asked the teacher if I could call home and have my mom bring it and he said to just bring it tomorrow and don't worry about it. I was pretty panicked, devastated. I hate that feeling, but I haven't felt it in a long while -- haven't cared. But today I cared.

But really, I need high school to end. There is a lot here -- a lot I need to leave behind, to move on. Beyond that, there is a person I was here, things I became here, that are over and done and it's time to move past them. Ready or not. Accept reality and not cling to what ifs that exist in this time. Somedays aren't yours at all.

My goal for the year as in the calendar year was to take chances, be extraordinary. I think my goal for these last couple weeks leading up to graduation is change, acceptance, putting things to rest. Not just to deal with the change forced upon me but WANT change. Close lots of doors. Let them close. Trust that others will open. Realize that sometimes to get those new opportunities you HAVE to give up on the past. Meet new people. Try new things. ALLOW yourself to be lonely and to hurt and be lost.

I think it's good to be upset, afraid. To be something. Being alive.

So I get to leave a lot behind, both literally and symbolically, but I think what got me was Justin. To snap out of it and realize that this is LIFE and here's this boy that... I didn't really know well, was just always there, in and out of my classes over these 12 years of school, and this is where it ended for him.

I'm never opening a GTC on a Tuesday again. MAYBE a Thursday, but never a Tuesday. We had like three audience members stay the whole show and like at least two of them were friends of the actors. Seriously. For all the GTC's troubles, at least we can usually say that we get at least a good handful of people every opening night. DISAPPOINTING. But hopefully that means we'll get some good crowds on Saturday, and considering last night's performance was pretty rocky and a lot of people were displeased with their performances personally (we never did get a proper full show dress rehearsal, so this was sort of like that) maybe that's better -- plus, it's nice not to get slammed with the lag of a 20-person audience. There WAS a lot to be happy about, especially since we got through the whole show and only had one person have to leave before the end of the show even though we went like a HALF HOUR over the expected end time (it was Tristan, and it was because of computer problems and it was only at the end of the show). The going over was partially my fault. I was stalling while I tried to scrape together an audience. Shhh. Improv was... lacking, but it wasn't I-want-to-crawl-into-a-ball-and-die bad, and trust me, in GTC we've seen attempts to problem solve that made me want to crawl into a ball and die.

We've got a stronger cast than we've had for a show in a while -- several newcomers who have their shit together and understudies who I all trust to handle the roles they cover. That is something unusual to be proud of and I think I really have Gaia to thank for that -- the front page feature was just enough to get us people for a good cast but not enough to have us drowning in attention again. I really hope we don't have to do any canceling (oh my God how delicious would it be to finish off a whole run with no problems?) and we get good audiences so these new people can see their work pay off. SO COME SEE US AND TELL YOUR FRIENDS. I really hope we don't have issues on Saturday with people being like O HAY MY PARENTS ARE DRAGGING ME TO SUCH AND SUCH PLACE CAN'T DO THE SHOW SORRY! It's ironic that weekends are often best for our audiences but apparently not for our actors :|

I hear SA London is closing on the 30th and this makes me sad. I hart that cast -- probably more than the tour cast right now. I was just saying on Twitter how his first few shows I was iffy on Iwan's Moritz (though it must've been hard on him missing the beginning of previews and then jumping in), but in some later audios... I sort of really love his voice. I love that it stands out as being different and more raw not unlike how John Jr's did in the OBC but not in the same way as John's voice. I really hope we get video of that cast before they close. Randomly I also love Hayley's Martha -- like, one of the best TDIKWs ever I think.

I should study for my Anatomy test or something idk.

I'm not a big poetry person. I don't really go seeking out poetry, but occasionally I stumble across a poem that sort of sticks with me. Generally it's a poem that I read and the first time I read it I just *get* it -- if I have to tear apart a poem to find its meaning I have no interest for it, and I think really good poems, for me, are ones that can have meanings that can be so buried in metaphors but the metaphors are so perfect that you know right away what they mean. This poem was in the multiple choice section of the AP English test (am I not supposed to talk about that yet? lol oops), the last piece in the section, actually, and it stuck with me enough that I could remember the title and author today.

( I brought a heart into the room, / But from the room, I carried none with me )

SO THERE'S SOME POETRY FOR THE DAY.

No, I don't watch American Idol. Or, not this season anyway. Of course I don't watch the season the guy from Milwaukee gets through. I never expected him to get past like Hollywood. And now he's in the top three. Huh.

He's going to be on the radio... and our school jazz band is/was on the radio too today? idk. But I was listening to Kiss even though I don't care for it and suddenly I hear this weird echo and I'm like huh... and then I realize that the teacher just put it on too. IF ANYTHING COOL HAPPENS WHILE I'M IN CLASS I'LL RECORD IT WITH UNCLE KLAUS.

BTW I asked Bertha to change something in the settings on Uncle Klaus last night and when I got him back all the menus were in German. Thanks, Bertha. But I poked around and found the menu so HAH.

idk guys. I'm bored. I don't have much to blog about today. Yesterday I took the AP English test. I don't know how I feel about it. I finished like half an hour early and -- omg ew soulja boy is on this is why I never listen to this station the things I do for you Danny I'm not going to try and spell your last name -- spent the rest of the time doodling in the question book. Which my teacher gets back. At least she'll have something entertaining to look at.

Okay the guy next to me is doing shit in Paint. Who does that?

I AM trying to make logos, guys. I'm just not inspired today.

Um, had first GTC dress rehearsal last night. We only got through the first act because I was so late with costumes and first dress rehearsal tends to be slow, you know... but it went really well. Our Ernst understudy didn't show but I put msmoocow in and even though she and Hanschen died a couple times, at least they didn't die at the SAME time and it was easy to improv around them. I played Melchior because prosopopeya and nowthatsheaven both couldn't make it. So I got to beat and have sex with dreamsofstars :) :) :) :) So, I was pleased with it. I didn't have to yell at anyone, costume problems were limited, I was pleased with the actors who were on, I did have to remind people of some things in the Where Do I Have To Stand? department but not nearly as much as I thought -- and oh my God I pretty much died when we got to the part in Touch Me where like half the cast has to enter, you know, and they all have a place to go, and in rehearsals we'd reach that point and people would sort of trickle onto the stage and I had to keep correcting people on where they stand... last night it hit the entrance and like, bam everyone was where they were supposed to be. It was hot.

I know I totally jinxed Saturday's rehearsal now. BTW we need to load some peeps into the theater on Saturday, I think, to make sure weird shit is not going to go down on opening night. If you would like to come see our final dress rehearsal, you know, show up if you know where it is and junk, and if you don't, you know, ask. It's 5 PM PST on Saturday.

At the end of rehearsal someone who had been in like one show in summer came and was being SO snooty and at first I thought she was One Of Those People Who We Don't Talk About Anymore. I remember her being around before -- I'm pretty sure she's one of those people who got cast in a show but then never showed without notice. And then came and started posting around and talking about having been in the GTC as if that never happened. Yeeeah. I'll have to check my records on that.

I think this class is going to end before Danny even gets on. And I'll have sat through all this Kiss for nothing.

I wish I had some moar Torchwood to watch in study hall today. But Dad stole my computer last night for a long time and I didn't have time to do all that before bed. Maybe I'll sleep instead. I have no life.

At least it's Friday.

Ew I'm pretty sure I have a test in Stats and I don't even know what it's on. I'm already at the point where I don't care. I never would've thought I'd reach the end of a school year -- lol they just cut off in the middle of a song because Danny's on. At least I get to hear like TWO MINUTES OF HIM before class is over.

lol I still don't know how to spell that guy's last name and I'm not going to try because I'll butcher it. From the clips I've heard I really like his voice, though. And he's being very cool being interviewed right now. So. My cousin is going to the event for him down at Summerfest, lolz. Bertha said some of her friends are skipping out of track practice and junk tonight to go.

It's time for another procrastination blog, folkz. Well, I'm still here. I neither have swine flu nor have a closed school.

One of my logos just got used as an example in class lolz

I'm concerned about my computer. I think my video card is dying or something. I think a similar thing happened to Bertha's computer when hers died... The screen keeps going black, for just a few seconds... it started a couple days ago when I'd open a video and a couple times it's happened non-video related a minute or so after I turn the computer on. Last night it started happening over and over when I was trying to watch and avi and then a couple times while watching stuff online, too. It makes me sad. Computer has been so good lately :( I'm trying to read up on it a little... right now... which is difficult because I can't actually visit most of the Google results because the school blocks like any forum or blog because it's a betch.

Speaking of technology that isn't getting along with me: Uncle Klaus. The issue is just videos. Last time I tried to dump videos on him the conversion process failed, and last night it converted successfully but failed to transfer the converted file to the player. It was being tempermental last night and I think it just had to be unplugged and plugged back in again, but then I'd have to convert the file all over again, which it told me took an hour. I've put short vvideos, like 5-10 minutes, on with no problem, I think I just need to stop trying to slap these 1-2 hour videos on it overnight when I can't monitor what's going on.

I think the fact that one of my logos got used as an example exempts me from paying attention to the current presentation on logos.

Um, RP is making me happy. Melchior is sort of having an emotional breakdown but hey, it's good for him. He needs to face his problems before he's ever going to get over them.

Rehearsal tonight. We haven't had rehearsal since Saturday and idk I'm sort of looking forward to it and sort of not, I guess. We're going through all the big boys' scenes tonight -- BoL, ATTWN, etc. I'm a little concerned that I currently have two people who have missed two rehearsals in a row without even telling me they'd be gone, which uuuusually means I end up kicking them out. I don't know whether to send them a PM warning them or just waiting to see if they show up tonight... at least we have 5 swings so even if I have to bump up two people to replace them, I'll still end up with 3 swings. I already know who I want to bump for each role if I need to, so. That makes my life much easier. I hope I don't have to, though, five swings is pretty delicious (and that's 5 not including me).

Class is over now :| Have a nice day :| (Don't get swine flu)

LET'S TALK ABOUT SOME SWINE FLU SHALL WE WOOOOO

Now two classes in a row my teachers have implied that by the end of this week the school will be closed. My Digital Arts teacher just said that a teacher at one of the elementary schools is a potential case and is in the course of being tested and also the grandmother of three students in the district is a potential case and results are supposed to come back today. I've heard other things from other students, too, but rumors spread quickly with these things so God knows what's true and what isn't -- I'm pretty sure the rumor that someone's older brother is a potential case is true (because it's been rumored for a while and I heard a name).

Andy (my sort of former orchestra stand partner) brings up an interesting point, however: AP testing is at the end of this week. If school's closed, would they let us go? If not, what happens -- a mass rescheduling? I said I almost want it to happen just to see what they would do. (That's a lie. I just want to get out of school. ...as long as I'm not the one with the swine flu.)

I just sneezed and the girl next to me went "Swine flu :/". I'M GONNA DIE.

I'm annoyed that I forgot Uncle Klaus today so I have nothing to listen to. This also means that I can't sleep in study hall because I need him to make some vague attempt to drown out the SO SO SO OBNOXIOUS people that sit on the table over (I need a book to read or something instead of sleeping...). I have Folding Chair by Regina Spektor stuck in my head. COME AND OPEN UP YOUR FOLDING CHAIR NEXT TO MEEEE

You know what's a great feeling? When you're hungry and like uuughhh and then you realize HAY I BROUGHT SOME FOOD WITH ME. It's a great feeling.

Oops I just rubbed my eyes now I've got swine flu.

You know what's sad? Seeing you've got 6 new e-mails and 5 of them are people you don't know following you on Twitter and one is spam. Nobody loves me.

This class is going by quickly. I hope this bodes well for my day.

I just got a new e-mail and was excited but it was from the school confirming that money was added to the lunch account. STILL NOT LOVED.

The guy next to me is drawing in Paint (WTF YOU HAVE PHOTOSHOP IT'S DIGITAL ARTS CLASS) and he saved it as a JPG. That hurts.

I just sneezed again. WHAT IF I HAVE SWINE FLU?

No, really, I'm leaving now. Because class is almost over. And I have to go to statistics where I didn't do the homework. Again. Maybe the teacher will be gone again -- he was gone on Friday. (MAYBE HE HAS SWINE FLU)

AHHHHHH WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE.

Don't die, guys. BYE.